Learning Disabilities Homepage

Question: Should parents be 'easier' and softer on a teen with learning disability or mental disorder?

(Posted by: tay g on 2009-08-26 20:27:57)

Do you think you should be easier/ make excuses on an adolescent with a learning disability or mental health issues? Or do you have teens with these issues? A good friend of mine has a Nonverbal learning disability(similar to aspergers) and I feel like his mom is too impatient and uses too much 'tough' love. I also have A.D.D so i admit i am biast as I know how hard it is to cope with a chemical imbalance and I think excuses/ exceptions should be made

Posted by: Gabe on 2009-08-26, 20:32:58

Very interesting question indeed. I believe that the parents should be a little more lenient on the child who has a learning disability or mental illness but not let them do whatever. For example, if the child is having a hard time doing the homework or something then i'd schedule him for tutoring or try to help him myself. However if he was having trouble i wouldnt say okay just go watch tv dont worry about it. They still gotta get their education and still have to learn manners and such.

Posted by: safetyxpin_89 on 2009-08-26, 20:34:17

Only if the inconvienience they created was at least partly caused by their condition and not by their own choices or carelessness. There shouldn't be lenience just for the sake of being nice and not adding any more stress they have to deal with. I have Aspergers and I can't stand it when people accuse me of being rude when I'm not. I have a social disability and talking to people can be like walking through a field of invisible landmines. But I mean, if I'm rude on purpose, I'd deserve the same response as a non-Aspie would.

Posted by: jim on 2009-08-26, 20:37:35

I think this is an interesting question and I'm glad you asked it. It seems that people often confuse empathy, and positive emotional engagement for being "too soft. " Of course one would want to raise their expectations of the child in an effort to nudge them toward their fullest potential; however, this potential should coincide with affection and positive reinforcement.

Posted by: Tea on 2009-08-26, 20:37:50

Depends. The cruel world will not be easy on you b/ c of a disabilty or disorder.

Posted by: Elizabeth D on 2009-08-28, 17:08:57

Children with Non-Verbal learning disorders are already at great risk for Anxiety/ depression. They misunderstand the meanings behind other people's words and therefore can often can come across as being defiant. It is so important that this is understood by all those around them,especially at home! Tough love is NOT the way to go with these kids.I would try to urge your friend to reach out for support if he feels he's not getting the support he needs at home. I would recommend other family members, grandparents,aunts or uncles, or a school counselor. Also, since most people are unaware of what NLD is, he needs to educate the people around him. It's very easy to print out free information regarding the disability online at places like nlda.org. If he's old enough there are also support groups online like a yahoo group called nld-in-common.Good luck!

Posted by: Michael B on 2009-08-30, 19:14:01

For kids with learning disabilities, schools are supposed to change how they treat them. Parents should, too. But it's not a matter of being tougher/ easier. Schools "modify " or "accommodate " for students with learning disabilities. Modify means recognizing that the students will never meet the standard. Accommodate means that students can meet the standard with some special assistance, such as using a keyboard instead of a pen and paper. Some kids, for example, have very bad fine motor skills, so can't write well or quickly, but they know their stuff and would fail tests because they can't write fast enough. Parents of kids with learning disabilities have a tough task; it's made tougher if they ask their kids to do things that are neurologically impossible. Don't be easy on these kids; be smart about how you help them. Parents need to set kids up for success; that's for sure. Is the toughness leading to successful results? If not, revisit your strategy. There are likely better, not easier, ways.