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Question: How can i gain social skills? (i'm fourteen)?

(Posted by: Jonah on 2009-08-24 04:21:44)

I suppose I'm a normal teenage boy, but I have no social skills, or they've been slowly disappearing as I've become more and more reclusive. I'm a victim of a terrible public school (who isn't?) and it's destroyed any ounce of self confidence I may have once had. I have random anxiety attacks and get thrown into a very sad state of mind very quickly, I haven't socialized in too long and I have basically isolated myself from most if not all of my friends. I just really need some help. Thanks.

Posted by: Terry I on 2009-08-24, 04:46:12

I'm an adult mother who had (and still has) major problems with social skills. I think it's an area that nobody pays enough attention to both at home and in the school setting. I think there are different kinds of intelligence. I was blessed with academic intelligence but unfortunately not with "social intelligence. " Just like learning adaptive skills for math or reading, there are ways to learn adaptive skills for socializing so you don't "fail " at it completely. See if you can do research in books or online for social skills. If you're lucky, your community might have a social skills group for teens. If the problem is severe, you might have something called "Asperger's Syndrome ". Look for groups that specialize in that. Another thing that helped me with social anxiety was an antidepressant. After a couple of months of taking it, I noticed I stopped panicking in social settings to the point where I could just stand alone and wait for someone to talk to. Good luck. It gets better with age!

Posted by: shanen K. on 2009-08-24, 04:48:11

Yuck my school sucked too. Just remember you will move on from that place and after school you can go wherever you want and go to whatever college you want and it does get better. But since you're there for awhile I would really recommend trying out different groups and activities with some different people maybe not even associated with your school. I mean there had to be a reason that you isolated yourself from friends from your school so maybe just try and get some new friends. Consider joining a rec sports team that is with your city not with your school directly if you like sports. If you don't like sports you can find groups for just about anything you do like and join them. This will teach you social skills because you'll learn them by just being around people and being involved. I know you may not be old enough but when you are definitely try and get a part time job. Getting involved in things like this will just get you busy and less reclusive and will definitely give you more self confidence that you may have lost in your school environment. I get how that happens because public schools can be rough. Also if you like music try and go to concerts to meet people that can be fun and therapeutic. Sometimes if Im feeling down on myself or not involved enough I volunteer too and that helps. You can volunteer with people, puppies, building houses anything. I think it just helps because youre working with people, normally strangers, so youre forced to talk to them and be involved and also it gives you self confidence because you are using your time to further improve the lives of others. I hope this helps. Just remember to have self confidence in everything you do and think positive and things will get better. (and this may sound dumb but sometimes when its hard to have a lot of self confidence pretending you do will convince others and after time convince you.) Have fun! Ah also with the anxiety/ panic attacks. I have these too sometimes. They will improve with your self confidence improves and when youre comfortable with where youre at I have found they go away. Until then when I had anxiety attacks in school and get sad it can really suck because youre stuck in the classroom or school until the end of the day. But for me I brought a water bottle (i think the act of clutching on to something and pumping the blood through your body by holding on to it... and also its refreshing helps.) This sounds dumb but for me chewing mints helps as well. or gum. its a distraction and its a soothing repetitive thing and also peppermint calms the stomach. Other than that just try and distract yourself when that happens and realize that you will get over the moment. Just breathe and think of other things and realize that you are bigger and better than whatever is bothering you.